148 Yes or No Questions for Couples

A list like this lowers the stakes enough for a real conversation to start. That's the whole job it has to do.

The seven categories come first. After them you'll find three shorter sets of twelve: yes or no questions to ask your boyfriend, to ask your girlfriend, and a tasteful spicy set for when you both feel like it.

How to actually use this list

Answer separately, then compare. Each partner picks their own answers privately, yes, no, or let's talk about it, before discussing them. It's the same idea behind a yes, no, maybe list: private first, shared second.

Don't try to get through all 148 in one sitting. Pick a category, spend fifteen minutes on it, move on. This works better as something you come back to than as a test you pass in one night.

Skipping a question is a valid answer too. If it doesn't feel relevant right now, skip it. And answers change: what's a no this year might be a let's talk about it next year.

Everyday affection

• Do you like being kissed as a hello or goodbye every time?
• Do you want more physical affection in daily life, not just before sex?
• Do you like being touched randomly during the day?
• Do you prefer cuddling before or after you've both had time to unwind?
• Do you like holding hands in public?
• Do you want more compliments about your body, not just your outfit?
• Do you like being the little spoon?
• Do you like slow mornings together before the day starts?
• Do you want more eye contact during everyday conversations?
• Do you like getting a massage after a long day?
• Do you like giving massages as much as receiving them?
• Do you want more just because texts during the day?
• Do you like showering together sometimes, not just for sex?
• Do you want more non-sexual touch in general?
• Do you like being greeted with a hug the moment you're both home?
• Do you want your partner to initiate affection first, more often?

Romance and date nights

• Do you want more spontaneous dates, not just planned ones?
• Do you like surprise gestures, even small ones?
• Do you prefer a quiet night in over a night out?
• Do you want a regular, recurring date night?
• Do you like getting dressed up for each other at home?
• Do you want more handwritten notes or messages?
• Do you like slow dancing in the kitchen, music or not?
• Do you want to plan a trip together this year?
• Do you like trying a new restaurant over revisiting a favourite?
• Do you want more date nights that don't involve a screen?
• Do you like being surprised with a small gift for no reason?
• Do you want to recreate an early date from your relationship?
• Do you like it when your partner plans the whole date without asking first?
• Do you want more time away from phones when you're together?
• Do you like celebrating small milestones, not just anniversaries?
• Do you want a weekly check-in that's just about the two of you?

Emotional intimacy and communication

• Do you feel comfortable telling your partner what you need in bed?
• Do you want your partner to ask more questions about your day?
• Do you like talking through disagreements right away, rather than waiting?
• Do you feel safe bringing up something that has been bothering you?
• Do you want more check-ins about how the relationship is going overall?
• Do you like it when your partner shares their fears with you?
• Do you want to know more about what stresses your partner out?
• Do you feel like your partner really listens during hard conversations?
• Do you want more talk about what you each need to feel loved?
• Do you like it when your partner asks for reassurance directly?
• Do you want to talk more openly about insecurities?
• Do you feel like you can say no without it becoming a whole thing?
• Do you want your partner to check in after a hard conversation?
• Do you like knowing exactly where you stand after a disagreement?
• Do you want more how are we doing check-ins, even when nothing's wrong?
• Do you feel comfortable asking your partner what they're thinking about, mid-silence?

Adventure and new experiences

• Do you want to try something new together this month?
• Do you like the idea of a spontaneous weekend trip with no real plan?
• Do you want to take a class together, cooking, dance, anything?
• Do you like trying new things even if you might be bad at them?
• Do you want to explore a new part of your own city together?
• Do you like the idea of doing something a little out of your comfort zone?
• Do you want to try a new physical activity together?
• Do you like planning surprises for your partner?
• Do you want to revisit something you both used to enjoy but stopped doing?
• Do you like the idea of a yes month, saying yes to more spontaneous plans?
• Do you want to try a cuisine you've never had together?
• Do you like the idea of switching up your routine for a week?
• Do you want to explore something new in the bedroom together?
• Do you like being the one who suggests something new, or prefer your partner to?
• Do you want to set a shared goal for this year?
• Do you like adventure more when it's planned, or more when it's spontaneous?

Fantasy and vulnerability

• Do you feel comfortable sharing a fantasy you've never said out loud?
• Do you want your partner to share more of what they think about?
• Do you like being asked directly what you're into, rather than having to guess?
• Do you feel safe saying no to something without having to explain why?
• Do you want to know what your partner finds attractive about you that they haven't said?
• Do you like it when your partner brings up the harder conversation first?
• Do you want more reassurance that nothing you share will be judged?
• Do you feel like there's something you've been holding back from sharing?
• Do you want your partner to ask more what if questions?
• Do you like the idea of writing something down instead of saying it out loud first?
• Do you want to know what your partner has changed their mind about over time?
• Do you feel comfortable telling your partner what you don't like, not just what you do?
• Do you want more it's okay if language in these conversations?
• Do you like knowing your answers stay private unless you both agree to share them?
• Do you want to revisit this list again in six months, to see what has changed?
• Do you feel like fantasies are something to explore together, not just confess?

In the bedroom

The first two questions below belong together. If one of you answers yes to the first and the other yes to the second, you have just found out that one of you is curious about being led and the other about leading. The guide to exploring your submissive side covers the first half of that conversation, and the guide to exploring your dominant side covers the other: what taking the lead means in practice, with limits and a pause signal agreed first.

• Do you like it when your partner takes the lead?
• Do you like taking the lead yourself?
• Do you want more variety in when and where intimacy happens, not just at night?
• Do you like slow and drawn-out more than quick and spontaneous?
• Do you want more communication in the moment, not just before or after?
• Do you like it when your partner tells you exactly what feels good?
• Do you want to try something physically new that you haven't brought up yet?
• Do you like a little roleplay or playfulness?
• Do you want more focus on foreplay?
• Do you like being told what your partner wants, rather than having to ask?
• Do you want more spontaneity, even if it means less planning?
• Do you like it when your partner checks in mid-way, just to ask how you're doing?
• Do you want to explore toys or accessories together?
• Do you like ending with cuddling and conversation, not falling asleep right after?
• Do you want more compliments during intimacy, not just after?
• Do you like keeping some things a little mysterious, rather than planning everything?

Future and commitment

• Do you feel like you and your partner want the same things long-term?
• Do you want to talk more about what the future actually looks like for you two?
• Do you like knowing your partner's priorities might shift, and being okay with that?
• Do you want to check in yearly about where the relationship is headed?
• Do you feel like you know what your partner needs to feel secure?
• Do you want to talk about how your intimacy needs might change over time?
• Do you like the idea of revisiting old conversations as things change?
• Do you feel like you can bring up big topics without it turning into a fight?
• Do you want your partner to know what would make you feel more secure right now?
• Do you like knowing that not every answer has to be the same forever?
• Do you want to talk about what commitment actually means to each of you?
• Do you feel like your relationship has room to keep changing?
• Do you want to make space for these conversations more regularly, not just once?
• Do you like knowing you can always come back and answer differently later?
• Do you feel hopeful about where things are headed?
• Do you want to end this list by picking one thing to actually talk about tonight?

Yes or no questions to ask your boyfriend

Twelve easy ones, written so they don't sound like an interview. Ask a few on a walk or over dinner, or let him answer them alone first and swap notes later. Pick the ones that fit where you two are right now, and expect some of the best conversations to start from a plain "yes" and a follow-up. For a longer list built for an evening out, try date night questions for couples.

• Do you feel noticed for the things you do for us?
• Do you want more time that's just the two of you, with no plans and no phones?
• Do you like it when I plan a surprise for you?
• Do you feel you can tell me you're stressed without me jumping straight to fixing it?
• Do you want to hear more often what I like about you?
• Do you like it when I start a kiss or a hug out of nowhere?
• Do you feel I really listen when you talk about your day?
• Do you feel comfortable telling me when something I did bothered you?
• Do you like it when I take the lead on a date night?
• Is there something you'd like us to try together that you haven't mentioned yet?
• Do you feel as relaxed with me as you do with your closest friends?
• Would you say yes to a night where we just talk and see where it goes?

Yes or no questions to ask your girlfriend

Same format, same rule: it's fine to skip a question, and a pause doesn't mean anything. Ask a few at a time, or have her go through the set on her own and compare afterward. If you want questions that go a little deeper than yes or no, questions to ask your partner about intimacy is a good next step.

• Do you feel appreciated for the small things you do for us?
• Do you want more compliments, and not only about how you look?
• Do you like it when I plan a whole evening without asking first?
• Do you feel I make enough time for just the two of us?
• Do you feel safe telling me when something is bothering you, even if it's about me?
• Do you like getting a note or a message in the middle of a busy day?
• Do you want me to check in more, or would you rather have room to come to me?
• Do you want me to ask what you need instead of guessing?
• Do you like slow evenings at home as much as going out?
• Do you feel I take your answers seriously, including the no ones?
• Is there something you'd like us to try together that you haven't said out loud?
• Do you want to talk about what helps you feel close to me?

Spicy yes or no questions for couples

A set for when you both want to talk about the more intimate side of things. It stays tasteful, nothing graphic, and every question is fine to skip. Answer on your own first, then only talk through the ones you both marked yes or maybe. A yes here means "I'm happy to talk about it," not "let's do it tonight."

If one of the questions brings up something you've never said out loud, how to tell your partner about a fantasy walks through how to do it without pressure. And if you'd rather not read each other's answers at all, Are You Into runs the same idea privately and shows only what you both said yes or maybe to.

• Do you want more flirting during the day, before we're even together?
• Do you like it when I tell you in specific words what I find attractive about you?
• Would you enjoy an evening where the only plan is to focus on each other?
• Do you like being teased a little, playfully, before things get going?
• Would you like to spend a night away, just the two of us?
• Would you enjoy dressing up for each other for an evening?
• Do you like it when your partner says out loud what they want?
• Do you want more time on the build-up, rather than getting there quickly?
• Would you like to take turns planning an intimate evening as a surprise?
• Do you like it when your partner quietly checks in with "is this good?"
• Would you be comfortable agreeing on a word that means pause or stop, no questions asked?
• Would you share one thing you're curious about if I shared one too?