The numbers, country by country
Pull the six country data apart and a few clear patterns emerge, echoed in a separate rundown of the same findings:
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- Where: United Kingdom. What the research actually found: Close to 80 percent of toy owners named a vibrator as their preferred item, the highest of the six countries studied; UK respondents also reported lower solo use than most of the other countries.
- Where: Denmark. What the research actually found: Owned the most sex toys overall among the six countries in the study.
- Where: France. What the research actually found: Reported the lowest overall ownership and the fewest dildos among the six countries studied.
- Where: All six countries surveyed (Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Finland, France, UK). What the research actually found: Over half of the nearly 12,000 respondents had owned or currently owned a sex toy, regardless of country.
- Where: United States, women. What the research actually found: 53 percent had used a vibrator (2009, Indiana University national survey); more recent industry data puts current ownership closer to 65 percent.
- Where: United States, men. What the research actually found: Almost 45 percent had used a vibrator (2009, Indiana University); around 50 percent among gay and bisexual men specifically, in a separate study of over 25,000 respondents.
Why partnered use is the number that actually matters
The detail most coverage of this research skips: ownership itself is not what predicts a happier relationship. The Journal of Sex Research study found a clear link between how often couples used a toy together and higher relationship satisfaction specifically, while solo use was linked mainly to personal satisfaction, with a much smaller effect on the relationship itself. One write-up of the findings put it plainly: shared use moved the needle, solo use did not, at least not for the relationship itself. In other words, the sex toy ownership question worth asking is not whether either of you owns one. It is whether you have ever actually used one together on purpose, rather than it being treated as a separate, private habit.
Who is actually more likely to own one
Across the research, a few patterns show up consistently: women, younger adults, people with more lifetime sexual partners, and bisexual respondents were all more likely to own a sex toy than the general average. Education level and relationship status showed little to no connection to ownership either way, which quietly undercuts the assumption that ownership says something specific about the health or seriousness of a relationship.
The myth that a toy means something is missing
Given that over half the population across six different countries has owned one, and a majority of American women report the same, sex toy ownership is closer to a coin flip, or a majority behavior, than a red flag. The research actually points the opposite direction from the common assumption: partnered use is linked to higher satisfaction, not lower, which suggests it functions more like any other shared activity a couple chooses to explore together, not a symptom of something missing between you.
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How to actually bring it up as a couple
- Frame it as adding, not replacing. The research links partnered use to satisfaction. Framing the conversation around trying something together, the same instinct behind choosing what to watch together on purpose instead of fixing a problem, matches what the data actually shows.
- Pick a calm, non-intimate moment to raise it first. Bringing it up mid-intimacy raises the stakes of the response unnecessarily. A relaxed conversation earlier removes the pressure from both sides.
- Ask what each of you is actually curious about, specifically. General curiosity is harder to act on than a specific starting point either of you names.
- Treat a no as information, not rejection. Interest in trying something new is not universal, and that is a normal, workable difference to navigate rather than a verdict on the relationship.
- Revisit it as a low-stakes, ongoing conversation, not a single decision made once and never discussed again.
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Worth reading next: Sex Toys for Couples: A Beginner's Guide and Different Libidos in a Relationship: What It Means and What Actually Helps.
Read: Sex Toys for Couples: A Beginner's Guide